Click banner to return to DQPA homepage


DQPA - Character Quotes

Please e-mail snafaru@zimlab.com if you have any quotes to submit.


----------

After breaking a protective circle and running like our PC lives depended on it...

A man slowly walks towards our group. The castle trembles with his every steps even though he appears to be only 6 feet tall.

His eyes burn with an unearthly glow.

GM: This is Dispater the 3 ranking demon in hell...

Yona Rolls out her circle of protection mat and we all cram in it.

He smiles at us and says: “Why don't you come out of there and we can make a deal?”

Yona: No thank you, why don't you go eat the guy upstairs?

Dispater: “I'll just eat him anyway.”

As they are talking Safawna, our Grand Healer and Priestess, starts to pray to the Goddess Laroani for help, in hope to perform an exorcism.

GM: You must roll a 05 or lower to dispel this demon.

“Our paths were destined to cross at some point or another.” Dispater says in a smooth voice.

Safawna: OK, I'll roll... She rolls a 06.

Come on, you gotta give me that!

GM shakes his head.

I'll roll again!

She roles an 08.

Dammit!

Demon Dispater: “I feel the presence of your Goddess human female, but even she can't save you.”

Safawna: Yeah! You'll feel her presence: IN YOUR ANUS!!!

She rolls a 02.

The group goes nuts.

And the demon roars in rage and dissipates into thin air.

Safawna: Well, he will be sitting on a bag of frozen peas in hell.

Uma: His relief will be short lived.

We all laugh...

                              by Patricia Petterson

----------

Belinda - so I go up to the front step of Rodrick's
cottage and knock on his door.

GM - before your knuckles hit the door...
(dice roll)... A voice calls out "Go away, Woman!
Don't you know I'm busy. I'm not interested in
your mission, and I'm SURELY not interested
in dying... again!"

Belinda - (cursing under her breath) "I hate
people specific wards. He is such a coward."
- I open the door and walk in....

                              by Jeff Dannis

----------

City guard at night enquiring after his partner Bob: "Bob? Where are you Bob?"

Rouse, orc assassin, currently under the effects of the spells shadow form and shadow wings steps out into the torchlight and replies: "BOB'S DEAD"

Queue roll on fright table....

                              by Paul Huntington

----------

Exchange between the dwarf Thurngol,
hanging over a precipice above an abyss with one hand,
the other gripping his solid Mithril large shield,
while the elf Fandril tries to pull him to safety.

Fandril: "You're too heavy! Drop the shield!"

Thurngol: "gggaaAAAHHH, NO! DROP ME!"

Demon: "Aren't you the one known as Felgir, Demon Slayer?"

Felgir: "Oh crap!"

                              by Don Hawthorne

----------

Demon: "Aren't you the one known as Felgir, Demon Slayer?"

Felgir: "Oh crap!"

                              by Dingo Dog

----------

Party Leader: "You two look after your prisoners."

Players (in unison): "I slit his throat."

                              by Dingo Dog

----------

Player: "Why sneak up and pick his pocket? I'll just kill him and loot his corpse. He won't notice me then!"

GM: ...
                              by Gregg Evans

----------

Goblin: That's right, run you blood sucking pig!

                              by Eric G. Carlson

----------

Orc: We made a pretty good deal, didn't we?

Halfling: What do you mean WE?!

Orc: If you don't give me my cut, I'm gonna
shake the difference out of you!!

                              by Gregg Evans

----------

"All souls aboard the train to Hell,
I am your conductor!"

~ by the late and only passenger aboard
the train to Hell - Soldar ~

                              by Gregg Evans

----------

A deep voice from a dark room in a demon-infested
dungeon: "Why don't you come IN?"

PC, mocking: "Why don't you come OUT?"

~The Demon, freed by the PC's invitation,
leaps out and seizes the PC.~

                              by Loki Freyr

----------

Thief: "Screw this I'm leaving!"

Mage: "You are not leaving. You are FIRED!"

~A fireball comes streaming straight for the thief~

                              by Gregg Evans

----------

Party Leader: "There is no friggin' way
I'm letting you bring a gorilla into this party."

Ranger: "Fine! YOU tell'im!!!"

                              by Gregg Evans

----------

Velvar the Torturer explains to the
local clergy his philosophy on the Javelin:
"The Javelin is the universal weapon. It locks
doors, opens poor boxes and kills priests.
Now, say your Prayers priest!"

                              by Gregg Evans

----------

Player 1: "Are you evil?"
Soldar: "Well, let me put it to you this way, I
wouldn't kill my mother, but I'd steal her purse!"

                              by Gregg Evans

----------

"I take off all off my clothes and weapons, then
jump on the back of the Giant Spider"

                              by the late - Cyght Dunhill