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DQPA - Character Quotes
Please e-mail snafaru@zimlab.com if you have any quotes to submit.
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After breaking a protective circle and running like our PC lives depended on it...
A man slowly walks towards our group. The castle trembles with his every steps even though he appears to be only 6 feet tall.
His eyes burn with an unearthly glow.
GM: This is Dispater the 3 ranking demon in hell...
Yona Rolls out her circle of protection mat and we all cram in it.
He smiles at us and says: “Why don't you come out of there and we can make a deal?”
Yona: No thank you, why don't you go eat the guy upstairs?
Dispater: “I'll just eat him anyway.”
As they are talking Safawna, our Grand Healer and Priestess, starts to pray to the Goddess Laroani for help, in hope to perform an exorcism.
GM: You must roll a 05 or lower to dispel this demon.
“Our paths were destined to cross at some point or another.” Dispater says in a smooth voice.
Safawna: OK, I'll roll... She rolls a 06.
Come on, you gotta give me that!
GM shakes his head.
I'll roll again!
She roles an 08.
Dammit!
Demon Dispater: “I feel the presence of your Goddess human female, but even she can't save you.”
Safawna: Yeah! You'll feel her presence: IN YOUR ANUS!!!
She rolls a 02.
The group goes nuts.
And the demon roars in rage and dissipates into thin air.
Safawna: Well, he will be sitting on a bag of frozen peas in hell.
Uma: His relief will be short lived.
We all laugh...
by Patricia Petterson
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Belinda - so I go up to the front step of Rodrick's
cottage and knock on his door.
GM - before your knuckles hit the door...
(dice roll)... A voice calls out "Go away, Woman!
Don't you know I'm busy. I'm not interested in
your mission, and I'm SURELY not interested
in dying... again!"
Belinda - (cursing under her breath) "I hate
people specific wards. He is such a coward."
- I open the door and walk in....
by Jeff Dannis
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City guard at night enquiring after his partner Bob: "Bob? Where are you Bob?"
Rouse, orc assassin, currently under the effects of the spells shadow form and shadow wings steps out into the
torchlight and replies: "BOB'S DEAD"
Queue roll on fright table....
by Paul Huntington
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Exchange between the dwarf Thurngol,
hanging over a precipice above an abyss with one hand,
the other gripping his solid Mithril large shield,
while the elf Fandril tries to pull him to safety.
Fandril: "You're too heavy! Drop the shield!"
Thurngol: "gggaaAAAHHH, NO! DROP ME!"
Demon: "Aren't you the one known as Felgir, Demon Slayer?"
Felgir: "Oh crap!"
by
Don Hawthorne
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Demon: "Aren't you the one known as Felgir, Demon Slayer?"
Felgir: "Oh crap!"
by
Dingo Dog
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Party Leader: "You two look after your prisoners."
Players (in unison): "I slit his throat."
by
Dingo Dog
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Player: "Why sneak up and pick his pocket? I'll just kill him and loot his corpse. He won't notice me then!"
GM: ...
by
Gregg Evans
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Goblin: That's right, run you blood sucking pig!
by
Eric G. Carlson
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Orc: We made a pretty good deal, didn't we?
Halfling: What do you mean WE?!
Orc: If you don't give me my cut, I'm gonna
shake the difference out of you!!
by
Gregg Evans
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"All souls aboard the train to Hell,
I am your conductor!"
~ by the late and only passenger aboard
the train to Hell - Soldar ~
by
Gregg Evans
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A deep voice from a dark room in a demon-infested
dungeon: "Why don't you come IN?"
PC, mocking: "Why don't you come OUT?"
~The Demon, freed by the PC's invitation,
leaps out and seizes the PC.~
by
Loki Freyr
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Thief: "Screw this I'm leaving!"
Mage: "You are not leaving. You are FIRED!"
~A fireball comes streaming straight for the thief~
by
Gregg Evans
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Party Leader: "There is no friggin' way
I'm letting you bring a gorilla into this party."
Ranger: "Fine! YOU tell'im!!!"
by
Gregg Evans
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Velvar the Torturer explains to the
local clergy his philosophy on the Javelin:
"The Javelin is the universal weapon. It locks
doors, opens poor boxes and kills priests.
Now, say your Prayers priest!"
by
Gregg Evans
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Player 1: "Are you evil?"
Soldar: "Well, let me put it to you this way, I
wouldn't kill my mother, but I'd steal her purse!"
by
Gregg Evans
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"I take off all off my clothes and weapons, then
jump on the back of the Giant Spider"
by
the late - Cyght Dunhill